This week's Olevillain Headlines...

Why Haven't You Called? By: The SARN Hotline

 

I didn't want to have to write this. I never wanted to be needy, or clingy, or whiny. But it's been weeks since I've heard from you, and I'm tired of waiting you out to see when you were going to stop playing hard to get and pick up the phone. So, here I am, putting my cards on the table, and asking: why the hell haven't you called me lately?

It's not like I could have made it much easier for you, you know? I bought a cell phone and I have told you from day one that I would answer it from 8pm until 8am. Every. Single. Night. That's about as available as a person can get. And don't go saying you forgot my cell phone number, or you got a new phone or lost yours and didn't add me to your new contact list, because for Christ's sake, I have a four-digit number, three of which are the same fucking digit. X3777. And if you think it's easy to set up a cell phone with a campus extension number, think again. But I did it for you because, like an idiot, I thought you would actually, I don't know, CALL once in a while.

Sometimes I worry you think I don't actually want to hear from you, but then I remember: oh, wait, I made freaking posters. Posters! Large banners hang in the cafeteria advertising the fact that I am sitting around waiting to hear your distressed, vulnerable voice, and still nothing. Barely even a whisper of an SOS from you.

My close friends say maybe you just don't need me as much anymore. One of them even said, "Maybe sexual assault just isn't as much of a problem this year as it is usually. Don't take it personally." Am I really supposed to believe that? I'm not an idiot; I know how many parties you are going to, and I know how much alcohol is being consumed, and I know how many people are just looking for the chance to prey on your vulnerability. Hell, even if you're not going to parties, I know the statistics and I'll be damned if you're going to tell me none of you are being vitimized.

So, what's the deal? Are you talking to someone else about this? Or, worse, are you getting raped and not calling anyone? I deserve more than that from you. After all we've been through, I deserve at least one phone call every once in a while, even if it's just to say, "Hey, how've you been, what should I do about this recent assault, maybe we should catch a movie sometime." Unless, that is, you think you're too GOOD for me or something. If that's it, you're in for a sorry surprise: I'm the best thing that ever happened to sexual assault on this campus, and when you leave here and go out into the cold, cruel world, you're going to wish you had me available 24/7 like you do now, you ungrateful monster.

...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to lose my temper. Just, please. Call me? I'm tired of hearing rumors about potential date-rapes or ambiguous forced fondling incidents and not knowing what to believe. I deserve to hear that kind of stuff from you, not through the grapevine. Just call me, please? You know the number.