OleVillains

OleVillains

New Year's Resolutions

It has been a long, dry, desolate time, readers, but fear not. The OleVillains have not abandoned you. They have not forsaken you. You can stop acting like that girl from Jurassic Park, screaming "He left us! He left us" and attracting the nearby carnivorous beast with your hysterics. We have returned, and we're going to try to be better.

We're not going to make excuses, but we will at least offer the defense that damnit, The OleVillains are an active group of well-adjusted students trying to get by like anyone else, and sometimes that means that, and we may vomit typing this, homework has to come first. Ugh. There. We said it. Maybe you think less of us now, but with finals, it was just too much to handle to also be regularly updating. Also, our slutty webmistress was whoring herself out to other websites, but you can bet she's feeling appropriately remorseful about those indiscretions.

With that all said, it's time for some resolutions for ringing in 2008. In no particular order, we give you our goals for the coming year:

1. Make the world a better place by being more complimentary. For instance- in 2007, we said things like "Oleville, you're kind of boring and we wish you would be better." For 2008, we'll take a new, more positive approach. Here goes: Oleville, your new color scheme is truly inspired. Glad to see our webmaster has put his time and salary to good use!

2. Get more writers on board. If Interim has taught us anything, it's that you can never have too many news article writers. Or at least, you can't have too many if 99% of them decide to go on Interim abroad trips. What the hell, guys?

3. Find a way to extend some sort of olive branch to Dean Kneser, not for our own benefit, but for the well-being of our readers. On a practical level, any time he spends sending angry e-mails about this site is time he could be spending focusing on the students' safety and quality of life, so anything we can do to cut down on that would be better for our campus environment. Also, it would make us less afraid to sell merchandise publicly.

4. Seduce Scott Baird, owner of Faux Pas Printing, so we can sell merchandise for cheap. If you're reading this, Scott, you have our number.

There's probably more things we'd like to do, but hell- we have a whole year to figure it out, and who spends Interim making plans for their entire year? To all our readers abroad: safe travels, and remember to spread the OleVillain spirit wherever you go. Interpret that however you like.

Over and out,
OleVillains